Six Jokes at the Expense of Civil Engineers

Trick Question
A professor asks his class, "How do you write four between five? Anyone?" A science major exclaims, "That's impossible, there is no logical answer." An information technology student quickly responses, "I looked it up on the internet and there is no answer." A medical student pronounces, "What is this a joke?" Suddenly, and civil engineering student stands up, walks up to the blackboard and writes; F(IV)E

Working the System:
A doctor, a lawyer, and a civil engineer are knocking back a few beers. The subject of wives and mistresses in broached. The question is, who is better to spend time with, the old ball and chain or the concubine. The doctor solemnly swears nights with his wife is where it is at. The lawyer admits he has a way better time with his passionate mistress. The Engineer wastes no time and exclaims, "I prefer keeping both around. As long as one thinks I'm with the other woman, I can head to the office and get some work done."

Pun Fun:
Why did the engineer make a trip to the dentist? He needed some bridge work.

The Logical Choice:
A couple of engineering students, one on a bike and one on foot, almost crash into each other on campus. The one on foot says, "Nice bike, where did you get it?" The riding engineer proudly replies, "I was walking along minding my business when this woman rode up to me, dropped her bike and started taking off her clothes. She said, 'Hey big brain, take what you want.'" Engineer one nodded approvingly, "Excellent choice, those clothes probably wouldn't have fit anyway

Monkey Business:
A construction worker walks into a pet store, eyes up a monkey and says, "I'll take the AutoCAD monkey." He hands the clerk $10,000 and walks out. A curious onlooker asks the storekeeper, "Wow, why was that monkey so expensive?" The salesperson says, "That monkey can draw in AutoCAD. Very efficient, clean layouts, no mistakes, totally worth it." Shocked the customer took a look around and saw a price on another cage reading $20,000. "Geez, what does this money do?" The clerk said,"Oh, that monkey is amazing at system design. Project layouts, write specification, accurate calculations, she's a real steal." "Geez, what does that $50,000 money do." The employee said, "Yeah well, I haven't actually ever seen that monkey do anything, but he claims he's an engineer."

Manager vs. Engineer:

A man drifting through the air in a hot air balloon realizes he is lost. Just then he spots a man on the ground and shouts out, "Hey you down there. I need some help, I am completely lost." The man on the ground looked a little puzzled and shouted back, "You are in a balloon, 50 feet in the air, 40 degrees north by 80 degrees west." The man in the balloon replied with disdain, "Oh, I get it, you must be an engineer." The engineer exclaimed, "How did you know?" The ballooner stated, "Well your comment is technically correct, but it doesn't help me much. I'm still lost." The engineer responded, "Ah, a manager I see." The aeronaut was astounded. "Right again, how did you know that?" The engineer answered, "It's pretty simple really. You don't know where you are, you have no clue what you are doing. You expect me to solve your problem for you and somehow it's my fault."